Dude, where's my car?

When I left for work this morning, it took me a few minutes to realize something wasn’t quite right in my car.  I spend a lot of time in there so there tends to be, well, junk throughout it. 

So this morning when I went to leave my house there was Canadian Tire money and parking passes on the passenger seat and few CD’s were in the back seat.  This is typical, except that I haven’t been to the Canadian Tire gas bar in a few days.  I notice that the lid from the center console was open as well, where my kids would put their drinks if were driving somewhere.

At home later in the day, I asked my wife if she had been in my car at all.  I figured that my console was open because she was looking for something.  Nope.  Crap, I think someone was in my car overnight!  

Back I went to check and noticed that a container of pennies was missing, my pens, a Bic mini lighter and a cigar that has been there for some time.  Apparently, according to police, this was a pretty big haul for our juvenile thieves in town!  Now please understand, I thought it was completely unnecessary to contact the police but my wife rightly felt it would help to at least file a report so they have a record of area activity.  Constable Calvert agreed with her.  

It’s annoying getting robbed.  This isn’t the first time we’ve had our vehicles ransacked, and it’s always only because we neglected to lock our doors.  Once though, we had our van stolen from in front of our porch.  That was a strange feeling; to walk out the door with coffee in hand and ready to go to work only to look around and wonder where my van had gone to.

Clearly though, last night’s act was that of youth, likely quite young because the coward punk that was in my car didn’t have the sense to take the CB in the back seat or the GPS that was also in the car.

Well, if you happen to be the crooked little thief that took my pennies, enjoy your candy, that’s about all you can afford with it.

Everyone has a story, and yours will end with end with jail time if you don’t change your ways.

Losing our Community

Since traveling on a couple of missions trips to Russia and Cuba I see the world differently; the greater world and my local world.  Within my own country I see drastic differences between the west and east, between Ontario and Nova Scotia.

What I see is the people.  People in Russia are wonderful, but it takes a bit of time to get past the questioning exterior.  After years of communism, the Russian people need to know they can trust you before they open their heart to you.  When we take the time to build trust, the rewards are beautiful.  

My friends in Cuba were instant.  My son and I were blessed to spend a number of days with the locals.  They are the warmest people who have a genuine joy in their lives that instantly spreads in their presence.  I cherish their friendship, even though contact is sporadic.

Spending time on Canada’s east coast, my wife and I soon discovered the hospitality that awaits.  The pace of life is noticeably slower, as though they appreciate simplicity.  

Living in Alberta in the late 90’s showed how accepting others can be as we were welcomed into a home to live and were cared for by virtually everyone we met.

What has made all of these experiences memorable has been the people.  People who have taken the time to get to know us, people who we have taken time to get to know.  Everyone has a story and will tell it when we just show the respect that everyone deserves.

You see, no one relied on others to make the relationship, it was between us.  There was no outside force dictating how we communicate, we just did and we were blessed for it.  There is such a freedom in it.

I am concerned about the direction of our society though.  When I look at Russia and Cuba, both with a history of communism, the people make a means for themselves.  They don’t seem to rely on the government for their answers, but they do know there are rules to be followed.  They don’t wait for their support cheques, instead they make work.  They don’t scream that the government didn’t pay them enough to cover their rent, they live within their means.

Here though, we repeatedly, without fail, look to the government to solve our problems and tell us what to do.  There is a constant flow of demands for new and tougher laws.  When laws are broken we want the authorities to carry our tougher sentences and then renew the call for revised laws.  We have demands and want them acted on, by the government, not actually ourselves in many cases.  During the Victoria Day weekend in London, Ontario, police received approximately 40 noise complaints.  Noise complaints over fireworks.  There was no mention of neighbourhoods getting together to celebrate, but instead 40 different people who wanted the police to tell their neighbours that having fun was not acceptable to them because it was too loud.  Seriously?

What concerns me is the apparent loss of community as we turn ourselves over to increased government control.  We seem to be okay with this too.

The answers to many of the woes that challenge our world, our country, our provinces, our cities and towns can be addressed if we look inward, into our own community.  When we once knew our neighbours, took family vacations together and went outside, things were different.  It was not just a matter of the times being different, we have changed and with our advances we have lost the fundamental basics that worked for generations.

Remember when our parents knew all of our friends and were able to call their parents if there was a problem?  I am amazed at the parents today who regularly don’t know where they child is, how to contact them or who the parents are!

I firmly believe that if we talk to each other, get to know each other, here each other’s stories and listen to each other without getting our backs up we would have an extremely different community, without the need for government legislation dictating our actions and restrictions.  It all comes down to mutual respect.

No matter the issue, whether bullying or the homeless, we can solve this together.

Everyone has a story.  Do you know your neighbour’s?

Elitist and Inclusive?

Can the two exist in harmony?  Just off the top of my head I’m not sure they can.  Each has their own view of the other, but sometimes the under-dog can rise up and find it’s place alongside the hero.  Co-exist, yes.  Harmony...well, that remains to be seen.

Growing in the 70’s, I look back now and remember that there were two types of dogs: pure-breds and mutts, or more sensitively referred to as mixed breeds.  We had a little black dog named Gidget.  Nothing fancy, really.  Just a cute fur-ball that stole our hearts and found it’s forever home in our family.  Gidget was a mutt.  No pedigree, no kennel club papers, no on paper value.  But value in our family was beyond dollars.  We didn’t expect others to understand and frankly, we didn’t need others to understand.

Today, in 2010, I can’t seem to find a mutt.  No Heinz 57.  No “mixed breed.”  Today, they are called Designer Dogs.  Apparently the trauma of having a less revered dog became too much to handle for some people and they have joined forces to be consider edequal in the elitist world of dog ownership.

Gone are the days of Black Labs, German Shepherds, Standard Poodles and Huskies.  Today sees the rise of Labradoodles, Peka-poos, Bugs, Jack-A-Ranians, Schnoodles and Torkies.  There are hundreds of these designer dogs listed online.

Talking with a friend of mine over this long weekend, she told me about a friend of hers who journeyed with their dog to a “hotdog day” event.  If you haven’t heard, sometimes elitists will have a celebration of their breed and give some fancy or catchy name to subtly inform those less privileged that there is a formal gathering of the pedigree.  (Pugnic for pugs, Hotdog Day for dachshunds, Greyhound Gathering - okay that’s not subtle but you get the point).  This friend of a friend attempted to enter her dog into an event at the hotdog day only to be advised, “You can’t enter.  Your dog, is a designer dog.”  

Yes, a designer dog faced rejection because of it’s heritage.  Shameless in our country isn’t it?  We “accept” everyone!

The dog in question was a Chihuahua Dachshund cross.  Once a mutt, now a designer dog.  A Chiweeni.  Thirty years ago would anyone have thought to name this, ahem, designer dog anything other than a mutt?

Those once excluded from the mainstream Canadian or American Kennel Club have come together to form the DDKC, the Designer Dog Kennel Club!   Now the excluded are the Elitists as well.  Elitists and Inclusivity?

All of this seems petty, I know, but is quite symbolic of Canada.

There has been a marked shift in Canadian culture in the past three or four decades.  Once a mosaic, where differences existed and that’s just the way it was, Canada is now a fragmented series of land claims and cultural claims waiting to be fought for in the courts over something called rights.  “Robert’s religious claims must be accepted as equal to mine” which actually means “If Robert screams loud enough and uses the magic words - oppression or prejudice - his religion is deemed more important that mine and I lose my rights.”  This is not equality.  Robert has grown tired of his second class religion and has banded together with his fellow rejected.  These once “rejected” have taken up force as one to be watched.  

We used to be Christian Canadians.  

Canada has backed itself into a corner as our backbone has disintegrated.  We now tell everyone to embrace their culture, to celebrate their heritage, display your choice, that we have lost sight of our own origins.  We celebrate everyone’s nationality, life choice, lifestyle and belief.  Except our own.

We have the German-Canadian Club, Greek-Canadian Club, the Irish-Canadian Club (along with St. Patrick’s day when everyone thinks their Irish just to drink green beer), Pride Week, Oktoberfest and a week to celebrate everyone’s career choice.  Anyone who has a sincere religious belief is accommodated (except Christians of course).  Feel free to take an extra 12 days off from school or work this year, don’t worry about it.

Like the original Kennel Club, Canada has lost it status as a representative body of that which stood true to its roots.  Canada is now the Designer Dog Kennel Club of the World!  Welcome to Canada, even though you’re a mutt, you’re a part of our elite mutt-club.

Grassroots Movement

What happened to the Grassroots movements of days gone by?

A grassroots movement traditionally occurred at a local level, or a community level, where volunteers would freely give their time and finances to support the identified need.  According to Wikipedia, the term “grassroots” was first used in the United States. It was “thought to have been coined by Senator Albert Jeremiah Beveridge of Indiana, who said of the Progressive Party in 1912, "This party has come from the grass roots. It has grown from the soil of people's hard necessities.”

While not necessarily used to reference politics, the term embraces the very nature of community coming together for it’s own good; building from the ground up.  Even a quick Google search will reveal a realm of movements aiming for political change.

As I continued to look at the various factors surrounding Bryten Brown’s death, there was a rapid communal response for change to the school board.  It began as parents rallying a battle cry for change; a true grassroots movement was beginning.  Then something happened.  As the days passed, the community’s passion waned.  The voices were hushed as a new issues take to the forefront and the vocal opponents to the board have settled down.

So what happened to the grassroots movement?  Maybe there wasn’t really a grassroots movement at all, but rather a purely emotional response to an absolute tragedy.  If it was a movement, it has been eclipsed by the “community leaders” now making up the Director’s Community Task Force.  That should be a further cause for our concern.  The original supporters have given up on their ownership of a vital and noble task of bringing change to a system that desperately lacks humanity.

Much like religion and faith, grassroots movements can lose their excitement and freshness.  We need to remember that just because the “feeling” isn’t there anymore, it doesn’t change the truth of the matter.  The intrinsic need to move forward must be heard and acted on.  Please, don’t give up.

Everyone has a story, even when, just sometimes, we don’t feel like telling it.

One step forward...let's hope so.

Exciting developments today in the anti-bullying movement.  About a week and a half after 13 year old Bryten Brown of St. Thomas took his own life, the Thames Valley District School Board admitted that Bryten's suicide was, at least, in part the outcome of bullying and have launched "a special Task Force to bring together key members of the community to tackle the complex issue of bullying."

Peter Jaffe, who is a Professor of Education at the University of Western Ontario is "an expert in the field" and will be a part of this task force.  He is quoted as saying, “Bullying and children’s mental health issues are two sides of a coin.  We have to work together to understand the cause and consequences of bullying.” 

Community Task Force on Anti-Bullying is made up of the following people:

Tony Bendel – St Thomas Anti-bullying Coalition

Dr. Linda Baker - Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

Barrie Evans - Psychological Services Thames Valley District School Board

Chief Murray Faulkner – London Police Service

Jane Fitzgerald – Executive Director, Middlesex-London Children’s Aid Society

Trustee Peter Jaffe – Director of Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

Arlene Morell – Chair, Thames Valley Parent Involvement Committee

Corina Morrison – London Anti-bullying Coalition

Rod Potgieter – St. Thomas Family & Children’s Services

Graham Pollett – Middlesex London Medical Officer of Health

Now, let's get real.  Does Jaffe really think that people don't know the cause and consequences of bullying?  There is enough research out there, empirical and anecdotal, that could choke a horse.  All of this comes down to some very basic principles - make the choice to get along, make the choice to appreciate life, make the choice to help others.  When we fail to make these choices, choices are still being made.  Choose conflict, choice to reject the value of life, choose to turn a blind eye to others in need.  That would sum it up quite simply, I think.  

Here's another point that really took the steam out this announcement for me; look at the Task Force members.  They are all from existing organizations that, presumably, should have already had a handle on the problem.  Together are they really going to have any greater impact?  I hope so, but I have my doubts.  A true grassroots movement by concerned individuals, preferably parents who have a vested interest in the lives of their children and others in the community.  You just know that this task force is going to get bogged down in bureaucracy.

Everyone has a story.  It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.

Anti-Bully Protest?

Taking a stand against bullying and bullies. I’ve been thinking about this noble position and I began to consider that actual impact of protests, rallies, and how we define a bully. Here’s a dictionary definition of bully:


Bully – noun

1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. Archaic. a man hired to do violence.
3. Obsolete. a pimp; procurer.
4. Obsolete. good friend; good fellow.
5. Obsolete. sweetheart; darling.

Bully – verb (used with object)
6. to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.

I was shocked to learn the some of the now obsolete uses of the word “bully”; good friend, sweetheart. With certainty, the polar opposite of the common use today.

I then looked at the word protest as a noun, as in "Anti-Bullying Protest" specifically.

Protest – noun

1. an expression or declaration of objection, disapproval, or dissent, often in opposition to something a person is powerless to prevent or avoid: a protest against bullying

Anti

1. being against

Putting these definitions together, an anti-bullying protest would actually mean the disapproval (protest) of being against (anti) an overbearing person who intimidates smaller or weaker people (bully). An anti-bullying protest is a double negative. I don’t want to be a part of a group which, by their name, indicates they are supportive of bullies. Now I know that’s not the intention, but that is truly what an Anti-Bullying Protest is. So, let’s wordsmith this.

What is a rally? Again, dictionary definition states:

Rally – verb (used with object)
1. to bring into order again; gather and organize or inspire anew
2. to draw or call (persons) together for a common action or effort
3. to concentrate or revive, as one's strength, spirits, etc

Rally – verb (used without object)
4. to come together for common action or effort
5. to come together or into order again
6. to come to the assistance of a person, party, or cause
7. to find renewed strength or vigor

Rally – noun
8. a renewal or recovery of strength, activity, etc.
9. a drawing or coming together of persons, as for common action, as in a mass meeting.

So, let’s be solution focused. We all want to bring an end to bullying. A protest almost seems to be well intentioned bullying. Bringing together a group of like-minded individuals to demand change, to essentially force our will onto another person, group or organization. Sounds like organized bullying in a sense. Instead, let’s rally to support those in need. Imagine the change that would be brought on by the dame group of “protesters” instead showing up at the Thames Valley District School Board Office and rally. Tell the school board administration that we need change. We need to see children safe in our schools. We need teachers to be able to teach in schools. Now, we are here to help. What do you need?

Can you imagine how that would screw up the traditional system? Let’s not become school board bullies ourselves but rather be a part of the solution. Rally your support and help the school board make change in the system. Be part of the solution. Don’t be a bully and make demands for change if you are not prepared to step up and help.

Everyone has a story. How will yours be told? Are you a bully or a problem solver?

Oh ya? Did and Does.

It’s interesting.  How can a conversation with two people about the same event have such different perspectives?  I can’t get into details about this yet, but I can say this...please, parents, know what is happening in your child’s life.

All too often this is the common phrase uttered by well meaning parents, “My child?  My child wouldn’t do that.”  Oh ya?  Did and does.  Sorry, but that’s the truth.

When a mother comes to you in tears and tells you that her child is the target of your child’s daily ridicule and cyber-assaults, your denial really doesn’t help other than to push the problem further underground.  Even though you may not want to entertain the idea that your own child could engage in such hurtful actions, please understand that there exists the possibility that they have done something you don’t like, or know about.

The adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is a lie.  Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can scar forever.  I’m not talking about minor childlike behaviour, I am talking about ongoing, persistent, deliberate hurtful comments or actions that are intended to harm and hurt others.  It leaves a mark.  It can scar.

I received an email this week from a man who was severely bullied in school.  He said “I was called a fag and gay. I was made fun of the way I dressed and who my friends were. This was 20-30 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. The feelings and negativity never seem to go away.”  No one should endure this.

An email from a mother said “my daughter Aleah* was bullied in grade one, a boy put his hands around her neck trying to choke her.  The principal said to her “Why didn’t you scream?””  That’s not the point and the question didn’t really help the matter.

Yet another who said, after the school refused to step and intervene, “I too took charge of the situation and fixed the bullying issue myself. I had one teacher even bully one of my children. Telling him that he had to wear a dress to portray what the women in the pioneer times had to endure! Of course I talked to the teacher, principal and as well sent a hand written note to the education system explaining why my son did not have to wear a dress but we would endorse him wearing what the pioneer men wore! Unfortanely his picture showed up in the year book that year wearing a dress skipping down the track! He then had to explain to us how that happened. Well he said she said I would have to write up a 1000 word essay as to why my parents are not supportive of the school system. So he opted out and wore the dress as it was easier.”

Come on parents, teachers, community members, neighbours.  Let’s stop the bullying and step up to the plate to support youth and parents face this problem head on.  There was a man about 2000 years ago who offered a piece of advise, one that could be considered the national strategy on bullying.  He said, “Love your neighbours as yourself” 

Everyone has a story and your needs to be told.  You can change the outcome too, with the right supports.  Start caring for others.  In the words of my friend, “Lets start a love crusade!” (www.sarawestbrook.com)

Who's voice is being heard? YOURS!

It’s been an emotionally exhausting week.  I have been overwhelmed with responses from numerous individuals sharing their experiences with bullying.  It is disgusting to hear what people have endured from others.  

I have heard from parents who shared of their experience as a parent whose child is being bullied while the school does nothing.

I have heard from parents whose children have had broken bones because bullies had their way.

I have heard from adults who were bullied and remain afraid to face their bullies two, even three decades later.

I have heard from parents whose children have been humiliated and urinated on by bullies.

I have heard from family of suicide victims.

I have heard how police are failing to respond to physical assaults.  

I have heard about corruption with the school board and the fear from teachers to take a stand.

I have heard from individuals who have lost hope in the system.

This is what I found interesting:

I did not hear from any bullies - even though they could keep hiding behind anonymity.

I did not hear from parents of bullies - maybe too ashamed they are raising a bully.

All of this raises a very empowering fact - THE VOICES BEING HEARD ARE NOT THE BULLIES! Folks, YOU have a voice.  You are the ones speaking out!  You are the ones being heard! Together we will take a stand against this!  Lean on one another.  Find YOUR strength and together we WILL bring change.

Everyone has a story.  LET YOURS BE HEARD!

Hypocrites

Hypocrites.  That’s what I hear when I read about this horrible situation that occurred over the weekend in our city.  

I didn’t know him, but grade 8 student, Bryten Brown, took his own life because of the constant bullying from school mates.  Grade 8.  That’s just 13, maybe 14 years old.  Imagine how painful his life must have been to make the decision to hang himself.

Within hours, hypocrites show up en mass online.  As usual, Facebook becomes the place to turn to.  Everyone suddenly has a voice and speaks out against bullying.  Oh sure, that seems noble, but seriously?  A lot of good it does.  Bryten sure could have used those voices at school before this weekend.  There will be someone soon speaking up saying that this raises the issue of bullying to the forefront of people’s minds.  Not helpful.  Bullying is just a symptom of the lack of respect and appreciation for life in general.

Let me ask, where were these people when Bryten was being tormented?  Where were these teachers when all of this took place?  I’ll answer my own questions, since I’ve been down the bullying road.  Youth at the school were unaware it was taking place because of their difference in ages, they were afraid to get involved because they believe “It’s not my problem” or they were actively bullying Bryten.  The teachers were too occupied with their own interests - like how much prep time they get - or the telling the students “Don’t worry about it.  Just ignore it.”  That’s a quote from Principal Dave Westaway from Bryten’s school when my own son spoke to him two months ago regarding his own bullying experiences.  Thanks Dave, that was helpful. (By the way, I dealt with it)

Our culture is one that passes the buck and you can be absolutely sure that the school and the Thames Valley District School Board will spin it in a way that makes them shine.  They will speak of their “Zero Tolerance” policy.  Right *scoff*.  That’s a fallacy.  Ask any parent who’s child has been on the receiving end of bullying or fighting in the school yard.  It would be more suitably called the “If we feel like dealing with it” policy or the “If we don’t like your child” policy.  But surely our teachers wouldn’t play favorites would they?

Stop the hypocrisy.  Stop trying to look like a hero after the fact.  Step up before the fact and teach morality, cooperation and real respect in the classroom.  Or better yet, respect in the real world.

Everyone has a story.  Who will tell Bryten’s?