What Truly Matters

Christmas was different this year.  Actually, 2011 was a different sort of year all together.  We lost many people in a circle of influence during the past 12 months; a friend’s 10 year old son, a friend’s 27 year old son and then his father just months later, a life-long family friend, my daughter’s friend’s father in his early 30s, my mother in law, and most recently a family friend’s mother on Christmas day.  There are others, too.  We went to at least 8 visitations and funerals this year, and couple others that we couldn’t be at.

This year was different.  It served to remind us how fleeting life can be and how significant relationships are to our own existence.  Many have written that social media has caused us to detach from relationships, thus becoming more isolated and leaving countless people feeling alone despite having hundreds of “friends” and “followers.”  I think there’s some truth – if we allow the social media to replace real people.

Our family chose to simplify this Christmas season.  We helped others with Christmas gifts who otherwise had virtually nothing, and we chose to downsize our own celebration.  Having been very blessed in recent years, it was a deliberate shift back to the focus of family time, face to face time, and being in relationships with each other.

Christmas day found us in church after opening gifts with our children, age 11 and 13.  Gifts were kept meaningful and simple, a shift from digital technology that dominates the world around us.  As we later gathered with my parents, we opened gifts which were again deliberate and scaled down from years past.  We shared a traditional meal, played Bingo and Apples to Apples, and watched Red Skelton.  As we drank tea and munched on Christmas cookies, I reflected that we are so blessed.  We drank tea from 40 year old Centennial Rose china and ate our meals with gold plated cutlery, while others in the world think about their next meal, and live just one day at a time.

It’s okay to be blessed.  It’s a blessing to be so blessed, but let us not lose sight of the things that truly matter in our lives – the people, the relationships, and the memories that we make.  As the Christmas season quickly closes and we move on to the next mass marketing campaign of Valentine’s Day, I hope that we will spend the coming year focusing on this simplicity that matters.  Take the time to connect to real people, face to face, and care about them – don’t just poke, like or tweet.  Help out a neighbor, open the door for a stranger, buy someone’s lunch, lend a shoulder for a tearful friend or stranger.  We are all in this together.  When we take the time to slow things down, we learn that each of us has something to share with each other.  Let’s again become a community.

Everyone has a story.  Take the time to listen to someone’s.  They have a story to tell.  They may have a story that needs to be told, one that you need to hear.

Back to Christmas

I have been encouraged this holiday season.  An increasing number of people, including co-workers, store employees and people on the streets are reverting to saying “Merry Christmas.”  Not one retailer has wished me anything other than “Merry Christmas” and I think that simple gesture helps to bring in the spirit of season.

After a number of years of political correctness being shoved down the throats of Canadians, Common Sense seems to be making it’s long awaited return.  In all likelihood, Common Sense is just visiting for the holidays and we will soon resume taking a stand for nothing…other than a stand against offending someone.  But the holiday is called Christmas, no matter what you believe.  December 25 is Christmas Day, just as July 1^st is Canada Day if you’re not Canadian, and February 14^th is Valentine’s Day even if you’re not in love.

If you happen to be one of those who is wrapped up in celebrating a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday, do you enjoy living?  Don’t change Christmas for the rest of us.  Actually, if you aren’t celebrating Christmas, what exactly are you doing on December 25^th?

Everyone has a story.  Let those who celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ have Christmas.  That’s the story that gives you Christmas anyways.

Welfare Mentality

“I have to start school in January or they’ll kick me off welfare.”  It was intended to draw sympathy to the person’s plight, but it stirred me.  It actually disturbed me.  Truth be told, it’s disgusted me.

Call me prejudice or oppressive, but take a moment to hear me out. 

The latest statistics that I could find show there are 201,600 welfare cases in Ontario, with 382,000 total recipients.

Welfare was created to help people through difficult times.  That’s noble. 

Welfare was not created to develop a lifestyle.  That’s enabling. 

Approximately $1200 per month is paid to a parent with one child (plus the child tax benefit which I understand is at least $200 to a non-working parent, tax credits, GST returns and other government incentives).   A run down on the province’s website that summarizes the benefits for those receiving social assistance can be found here, including dental and vision care as well as prescription coverage.

There are many individuals and families who maintain employment, yet do not receive the same benefits.

My struggle with the claim of attending school to maintain welfare is this: there is no internal drive to become a “better person.”  There fails to be an intrinsic value on bettering one’s self.  No drive to gain employment.  No drive to create a self sustaining life or contribute to the community.

Instead, a mindset has been developed that makes welfare a career of choice.

How has our system of social supports created a segment of our communities that are content to only receive without giving?  Even more disconcerting, to limit one’s potential?  If we allow our neighbours and fellow community members to limit themselves, aren’t we allowing ourselves to be hurt too?  We are in this together. 

I am not disgusted with the person who made the statement.  I am disgusted that we have allowed this to become a viable option.

Everyone has a story.  I hope that I can be a part of showing people that they have so much more potential in their life and I hope that you will join me to encourage people in your circle of influence.  To do otherwise is to allow mediocrity to become the standard, and leave a life’s story unwritten, unread, and untold.

It's a lifestyle. Live with purpose, on purpose.

I think it all began when I was a child living in the Old Atkinson house on the fourth concession.  It was a big white farmhouse that had been abandoned for a few years when my parents decided to move in.  The landlord kept the rent cheap and said that we could stay there, as long as we did the renos and refurbs.  At least, that’s how my memory plays it out.

There was a Christmas in the 1980’s that stands out.  We had three extra house guests.  Three men who were invited for Christmas from a London outreach centre.  I don’t recall their names, although one was called “Stretch.”  As gifts they were each given a bible, socks and a pack of cigarettes.  

I can’t really say why this stands out, but it is well embedded in my memory as a significant event.  Looking back, I think it spawned in me a desire to serve.  To serve those in need of material needs, basic needs, emotional needs, and need to know Jesus.

In 2008 I traveled on my first “missions trip.”  As a part of a team of 10, we went to Russia to do some construction work.  We spent the week working exceptionally fast at framing and dry walling an apartment for an orphanage.  We spent two weeks in Russia, tucked away between Mongolia and Kazakhstan, just above China.  There was a moment in time as I walked down the dirt road on a cold September morning that it struck me.  I was on the other side of the world.  Walking on a dirt road, forgotten, even unknown, by much of the world.  And in that moment, God knew where I was.

I took advantage of a day off to venture into the inner city slums with a group from the church that brought us over.  This area of town was known for heroin use.  There were needles on the children’s playground.  It was a world that I had never seen before.  I walked through the apartments with the Pastor and met with various residents.  They welcomed us in, knowing we were from the church.  One family was kind enough to put the bag of heroin in the small oven while we visited so it was, well, out of sight I suppose.

We met a man who was a sniper and daily relived the memories of the multiple lives he took in the name of service to his country.  He lived a dirty, tiny apartment with rotting floors that had deteriorated from leaking pipes.  But he saw the hope that was offered through Jesus.

In 2009 I traveled to Cuba with my son.  People were so caring, so loving towards us.  We blessed them with material goods for ministry, but left with far more in our heart and memory.  The efforts they took to make us feel welcome was so unnecessary, yet they poured our their love to us.

I climbed a homemade ladder to cut coconuts from a tree.  We helped paint a home.  We gave children animal puppets and watched their faces light up.  

We left with more that we came with.  We came home with a change in our hearts and attitudes.

Last weekend, we took a different sort of trip.  We loaded up the van and headed to Columbus, Ohio for the weekend.  The Ohio Central chapter of the Heaven’s Saints Motorcycle Ministry reach out to the homeless once a month with material supplies, food, friendship, and prayer.

I haven’t seen in our city what I witnessed in Columbus.  Men and women living in tents, some held together with duct tape.  Some living in plywood shacks, ones that they call home.  I expected to see a level of greed when it came to giving out blankets, clothing, and food.

But there was none of that.

These men and women were all polite, humble, and engaging.  They were a community, a sort of family.

Tattoo, Angel, Ron

We met a women, Angel, who lived on the streets and struggled with addiction.  She found salvation in Christ through the outreach ministry of the Heaven’s Saints who led her to a new understanding of Jesus.  Angel is now off the streets, living in an apartment, has a job, and has been clean from drugs.  She knows it’s still a struggle, but there was a genuine smile and glimmer in her eye that you just knew she was the real deal.  A success of sorts.

We met Dale, a homeless man who was cutting trees to make some money.  Last week he was cutting a tree when the chain saw kicked back and seriously injured his legs.  He received 181 stitches, a prescription for pain medication and sent back to his shack with a walker and a wheel chair.  Dale had no money for medication and was suffering excruciating pain.  The Heaven’s Saints came along side him to help carry his burden.  Together, we took him to the pharmacy to have his doctors prescription filled.  We prayed with him.  He later told us that he had been laying in his bed in the shack in the woods, praying that the Heaven’s Saints would arrive because he knew they would help out if possible.

We met Mike, a homeless man living in a tent by the railroad tracks under an overpass.  Mike lost his job last December.  He lost his home and was staying in hotels until last month when he was forced out to the street.  Broke.  Homeless.  Mike hasn’t lost hope though, he will keep looking for work.  We were able to bless him with a blanket, pants, batteries, propane, and food.

We met another man named Mike.  He was just a young guy with incredible art skills.  I looked through three of his books and papers that he had compiled.  Bob, who was ministering with us that day, has strong connections in the arts community and he was able to give suggestions and make connections for Mike.  We wish him the best.

Finally, we met Frank.  He moved to the US from Germany over 20 years ago.  Due to job loss and health problems, he has found himself homeless and living in a tent.  Frank has nerve problems in his back that his in undergoing surgery for in the coming month.  The procedure he is having costs roughly $1200 twice a year, and needs to be done repeatedly.  He has been able to get the cost covered for the first two years, but is then on his own.  Fortunately, he has a friend who recently landed a good job and is able to bring Frank on board to the company in two months, after his surgery.  I asked Frank if he would be looking to leave the tent community after he started his new job.  His response spoke volumes to the closeness of the community, the family.  “No.  Not for a while.  I want to stay and help the others out with their needs.”

Sharing another’s burdens.  Not taking them away, or carrying them for them.  Helping carry their burdens.

I believe that each of us who serves selflessly ends up receiving more than we give.  Whether we volunteer in social services working with young children, helping to mentor a young mother to build her skills, when we secretly give much needed money to a friend in need, or travel the world doing work on the ‘mission field.’ we are blessed with a satisfaction of doing the things that we know we should do.

Tattoo, Sam, Ron, Me

I continue to come back from these sorts of trips with a real sense of blessing.  And a better understanding that all of our belongings are just, well, just stuff.  We really need very little to get by and be happy.  Relationships are what sustains us, above our basic physical needs.

Relationships.  People who care about each other.  People who come alongside one another and help carry their burdens.  People who can sit and talk, and care, and pray.

Relationships.

What began in the 1980's in the old white farm house, has crept into the fabric of our family.  Missions.

Everyone has a story.  No matter how down and out any person may seem, everyone has a story.  Missions is a lifestyle, not an event.  Live your life on purpose, with a purpose.

Hitler? I don't see it.

This morning.  That’s when I decided I would vent a bit about this particular, shall I call it, “trend.”  For years, I have had a goatee, or a beard, or a soul patch, or some sort of facial hair.  Everyone has a preference to the look they choose, and certainly not everyone is accepting of it, nor do I necessarily expect them to.  Our appearance, that which we create is part of our identity and can be changed as we see fit.  If I shave it all off, you can see both chins and the main one feels funny, so I keep a little blanket on my face.

But over the past few months, I have encountered an increasing number of people who feel it is acceptable to make comments about my appearance.  These range from “What’s that on your face?” to “When are you going to shave that off” to “Are those pubic hairs” to “I don’t know if I should call you Hitler or what.”  Really.  Pubic hair and Hitler?  Understand, please, good natured ribbing amongst friends is entirely different than mere acquaintances making such statements.  It’s the dynamic of a relationship that changes the way a message is received.

I wouldn’t consider walking up to someone and saying, “Your butt is looking particularly large today,” or “That hairstyle really compliments the road kill you peeled it off of,” or even “Do you have a nest of baby vultures living amongst your follicles?”  I wouldn’t say it for a simple reason.  It’s rude.

I am quite comfortable with who I am.  I like the way I look, with the exception of a few pounds but I am working on that.  I am me.

Basically, I am sorry you don’t like the way I look, but I probably have a few comments to make about you too.  The difference is, I have the respect to keep it to myself and accept you as you are.

Everyone has a story.  I am the main character in mine, perfect for my own story line.

Memories

When someone dies, we mourn.  We mourn the loss of their life, but we feel the loss in our life.  It’s like a small part of us ceases to exist except in the recesses of our mind.  

It is said that scent is the strongest trigger for memories, and I suspect it’s true.  There are a few smells that bring me back to childhood, like the smell of the dump.  We used to live near the dump in Dorchester. My friend, Russell, and I would treasure hunt there all the time, before it was considered trespassing.  The smell of the swamps where we used to capture salamanders, frogs, and turtles.  The smell of cedar reminds me of an old trunk that my grandma had in her house.  The fresh aroma of harvest takes me back to growing up in the country and riding in the combine with the landlord.  Certain smells, specific memories.

Sounds also cause memories to creep back into history.  There are songs from the 80’s and 90’s that take me back to school dances and the days when my wife and I began dating.  Our wedding song takes me to a specific date with beautiful memories.  Sadly, these songs are now considered classics...and I didn’t even know I had aged that much.

But there are clear memories that have no mystic trigger, they are just memories.  When someone dies, the memories come back, for some it’s like a flood.  Some may feel they are drowning in the flood of memories.

What do you do with the memories?  If you happened to have grown up with someone who went on to fame, you have a direct connection to the sorrow that everyone is supposed to feel.  If you don’t feel the same sorrow, does it make you a lesser person?  Maybe a bit heartless?

In 2011 we have seen the loss of NDP Leader Jack Layton, Shawn Tompkins (MMA trainer at Tapout in Las Vegas), Amy Winehouse (Singer), Kelly Thomas (homeless man), Betty Ford (Former American First Lady), Saif al-Arab al-Gaddafi (son of leader Muammar Gaddafi), Serge LeClerc (Canadian pardoned criminal and politician), and Shrek (New Zealand celebrity sheep), as well as hundreds more.

Your level of mourning depends on your relationship and experiences with each of these people, even Shrek.  We live in relationships so we are inevitably impacted by loss and suffering, but context is required.  I was active in the local NDP and union issues at one point so I felt a degree of loss for Jack.  I went to school with Shawn Tompkins so it was closer to home and he was my age.  I didn’t care for Amy Winehouse’s music or the image she represented, but her family is left to carry on without her.  Kelly Thomas, well, that’s a sad story.  Saif al-Arab al-Gaddafi was a celebrated death by many in the journey to Libyan freedom. And so it goes.

Although we may not appreciate someone, may not agree with their political stripe or their past actions, we put aside the negative and understand that there are those who were close to the deceased who will have to move forward without them.  Yes, even Shrek.

Our memories will remain with us.  Does sharing the negativity of the past help in the healing?  I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think the celebration of someone’s loss and suffering is intended to be a positive experience.

Everyone has a story.  How will yours be remembered?

Destination: Unknown

My father-in-law and I had planned a motorcycle ride along the north shore of Lake Erie.  We were to begin in Port Stanley and work our way over the next few hours to Niagara Falls.  We booked a hotel on the American side where we would spend a night and would come back to Embro after a second day of riding.

As plans often do, they changed.  He called me just a couple days before and explained that his wife had been in a car accident and felt he should stay home with her.  Good call.

Since I was on vacation for the week, my wife was working and my kids are enjoying doing almost nothing on summer vacation, I figured I would still take a day trip.  The hotel in New York state was cancelled and I was just going to enjoy a day without a destination.  All I knew was that I would head east.

I mentioned this to a friend, Terry, who has over 200,000 km on his 1999 Harley Davidson Ultra.  He too was off for a day so we agreed that he, his wife Cathy, and I would take a day trip.

We started off shortly after 9:00 a.m.  I had no plans, just that I wanted to stay as close to the lake shore as I could.  I have ridden the roads in the area for many years, so I wanted a new experience.

East of Port Burwell, a portion of the Lakeshore Road is closed.  Years back it was determined unsafe for traffic due to the erosion, so there is a detour before coming back onto the main road.

We stopped in a the ever popular destination for bikers, Port Dover.  This is the location of the Friday the 13th rally.  I have only been here twice when it wasn’t the rally.  It’s a town of about 5000 residents that embrace the beach culture.

We continued east on our ride.  It’s easy to end up back on the main roads, it’s as though the rural stretches squeeze vehicles off of the back country and out to the highways.

Somewhere east of Nanticoke we ended up on a long stretch of road with a maximum speed of 50 km/hr.  The road hugged the lake and weaved it’s wave between cottages and summer retreats.  If you find yourself on this section of Lakeshore Road between Highway 53 to the west and Highway 49 to the east, slow down; there’s much to enjoy.  Families sharing in memories, sailboats in silence, geese with their babies, and minimal traffic.  Just don’t expect to get anywhere quickly.

We eventually made it to Niagara Falls, riding along the Niagara Parkway past million dollar homes, now up for sale.  The excess is ridiculous.  I don’t understand how anyone needs that much.  Maybe it’s me.

When I was preparing to leave on the one day trip, I mentioned to my wife that I might chronicle the day and write up some sort of nice travel blog for bikers.  As often is the case with my writing, nothing goes as planned and the story actually began at the Number 11 Bridge in Allanburg.  

The Niagara region is packed with rivers, the shipping lanes for cargo vessels and the thoroughfares for sailboats and motorboats.  We rode into Allanburg shortly after 5:00 p.m. and soon found ourselves parked for at least 20 minutes as the bridge was raised for a cargo ship passing through.  Terry and Cathy rode up to the bridge to watch the spectacle while I stayed back to hold our spot.

While I stood around, a man who was parked behind me came up and mentioned that my rear tire looked flat.  Indeed it was.  I had just spent $282 on a new tire only 6 days previous.  I was choked.  I pulled off to the side and strolled up to Terry to let him know the situation.  

At the Bridge 11 is a family run restaurant called Indian Flame.  The owners, Rika and Asha Bhagria offered up some suggestions and offered me the use of their phone book to track down some options.  The problem I quickly found was the timing of the incident.  It was after 5:00 p.m. so most everything was closed.

Back at my bike, I noticed a guy riding his Harley Davidson just across the road waiting to turn.  I waved him over and his came over to offer assistance.  Jeff rides a beautiful bike.  I think it’s a street glide with a light bar.  He has it chromed out fully with mag rims and a perfect custom paint job.  Spotless.  He called around on his cell and found no luck.  Getting a CAA membership would cost me $189, include 200 km of free towing, with additional mileage at $3 per km.  Steep!  I was more than 200 km from home so this would cost me.  This was without a repair still!  Jeff is a constable with the Niagara Police and he went above what he needed to do, making call after call to get the job done.  Still, though, no luck.  I gave Jeff my card and a testimonial DVD from Barry Mayson.  Thank you Jeff for stopping to help out.

Terry returned shortly afterward.  He rode up to a garage and they offered him a compressor to see if we could get enough air in to ride down to the shop and leave it overnight.  No luck.  Air leaked out as quickly as it went in.  We eventually found the source of the leak too - roofing nail.

Cathy suggested we rent a truck and load up my bike to go home.  I called U-Haul.  After much confusion, nothing.  They had only one one-way truck available.  It was about 20 minutes away from where I was at and the shop staff wouldn’t stay open to wait for me.  It was now 6:45 p.m.

Rika had come outside to check on us in the mean time.  He and his family had only been in the area for about 16 months, but spend most of their time at the restaurant.  He was apologetic that he couldn’t have been of greater assistance.

I decided to spend the night in Niagara Falls and get my bike towed to a shop in the morning.  I asked Rika if he had a spot to store my bike for the night.  He readily allowed me to park on the restaurant patio and chain it to a post.  This was the first thing that went well.

Terry, Cathy, and I had dinner at the restaurant.  Rika said that he knew the owner of the Howard Johnson motel up the road.  He called and got me a cheap rate - Niagara Falls in the summer is not a cheap place to stay.  It cost me $52.20 for the night.  Our discounted hotel in New York at $113.00, but I am sure it was nice place.

When dinner was finished, Terry and Cathy headed for home.  They didn’t need to stay as long as they did, but that’s what friends do.  Stay to the end.  “Heaven’s Saints Don’t Quit.”

Rika drove me up to the motel and made sure that I was all set before he left.  He didn’t need to do that either, but he did.

Originally, there were no standard rooms, only a suite that I was able to get for $80 (regularly over $120), but there was a standard room available.  The staff explained that it is a dark room, window faces a concrete wall, might smell like smoke since the last person failed to comply with the rules and wasn’t in an ideal spot.  If I wanted it, it would only be $40.  I figured I’d stay there since I would be forking out more money in the morning.

Aside from the poorly painted door and the blood stain on the bed, the room was fine.  What could I expect for such a cheap space right?  The motel staff gave me a toothbrush and deodorant for the next day, but they were out of toothpaste.  

I walked around to a couple stores looking for a good motorcycle magazine to read that evening, but found nothing worthwhile.  I bought my toothpaste and some snack food and went back to room 117.

In the morning, I mentioned the blood stained bedding to staff and called myself a cab.  $27 plus a tip to get me from the hotel to the restaurant, a trip of just 7 km.  Should have called Rika!

When I arrived at the Indian Flame, Asha served me up a coffee.  They only charge $1 for a cup of coffee, and it’s good coffee too.

Rika is from India.  He moved to Canada with his family when he was 13.  Now, 47 years old and married with four children, he explained to me that this restaurant is his dream.  They bought place 16 months ago and sunk a lot of money into restoring it to as a restaurant.  Everyone helps out at the restaurant, except their youngest child who is in public school.  Each member of the family that I met was very polite and friendly and helpful.  Rika’s son made sure that he unlocked my bike before he left that morning for his driver’s test.  True to his word.

Rika and Asha practice Hinduism.  I am a Christian.  We have different beliefs, and I am sure we don’t fully understand each others’, but we talked over coffee about our beliefs and values.  He spoke strongly about the Hindu value of non-violence, unless there is no other option.  He shared that over the past 50 years, India has never initiated violence against another country.  He seemed proud of that.

I learned a bit more about their gods, Lord Brahma (The creator of the universe), Vishnu (The preserver of the universe), Shiva (The god of destruction).  Different than the trinity that I place my faith in, Father, Son, Holy Spirit.  I asked whether Jesus Christ fits into their beliefs anywhere and Rika advised that they believe in all beings.

I seem to get stretched during these encounters.  Not regarding tolerance, but rather understanding.  Again, through our differences, we co-exist and share in conversation and can talk respectfully about beliefs and values.  I offered Rika a testimonial DVD as well, which he readily accepted.  Thank you Rika and Asha for looking after me.  You went above and beyond!

I had earlier called Clare’s Cycle to ask about a repair on my tire.  I only needed a tube replaced since the tire was fine, except for the small hole.  Corey came to pick me up with a trailer.  Still cost me $30, but cheaper than calling a a towing company to get me.

Corey seemed to be a young guy, but he’s been at Clare’s for 16 years and knows his stuff.  He is proud of working for a Honda, Suzuki, and Yamaha dealer.  I trusted him right away, and I am often skeptical of mechanics.  I had mentioned to him that there problems with the lights since I bought the bike in 2007.  He offered to take a look.

After 45 minutes, Corey had my bike back together, tire on, tube replaced, axle greased (the shop that put the new tire on last week did not do this), rewired my lights, soldered the connections, and had me on my way.  They guys in the shop were great.  Respectful and professional.  Including the trailering to the shop, my bill was $134.90 - Checking out my electrical was complimentary, except for the $2.99 light bulb.  Thanks Corey!

I made it home later in the afternoon and reflected - my plans aren’t always the plans that are laid out before me.  I tried to get a truck, I tried to get a shop.  No luck.  What was before me though, were people who were gracious in caring for me - Rika and Asha at the Indian Flame, Constable Jeff - off duty Niagara Police officer, Corey and the others in the shop at Clare’s.

Had I gotten my way, I wouldn’t have met these people and shared in their lives, to hear some of their stories.  Everyone has a story.

30 Days of Blessing - A Summary

Well that's a wrap.  I am a day late getting this posted, but I was out on July 1st, spending the day on a ride in support of the Bravery Beads program that the Optimist Club of East Williams operate.  The run covers 240 km throughout three counties.  At the conclusion of the ride, a barbecued rib dinner with beans and salads was enjoyed by all.  

Once we were home, it was time to load up the van and head to Canada festivities and take in the fireworks put on by the Kinsmen.  Through all the joy of children and glow of fireworks, I was once again reminded of the blessing of family.

June was the month that I reflected daily on the small blessings in my life, and a few more seemingly significant ones as well.  Maybe it's that I noticed it more, but the month of June seemed to be filled with sorrow and pain, as well as blessing and thanksgiving.

Have you ever been faced with the experience that so much bad news has come your way, you almost want to start laughing because there's not much more you can do?  

Let me summarize what has happened in the past 30 days:

My wife's aunt Laura who had been battling cancer was given just two weeks to live.  My wife made the trip up to Angus to see her, and a week later, Laura passed away.  We then traveled back up to Angus for the funeral and were going to stay overnight to attend the new charter celebration for the Wasaga Beach chapter of the Heaven's Saints M.M., but their Vice President took a bad fall and the party was cancelled.

Family friend, Pat, who has lived one of the cleanest lives I knew and had been diagnoses with cancer, faced treatments and was though to be clean, was found to have cancer throughout her lungs and now into her liver as well.

My grandma's husband who has fought and survived cancer three times, was found to have a spot on one of his lungs.

My wife's friend, Anne, called her and advised that she was suspected of having ALS and wanted to see my wife. Within a few days, it was confirmed, ALS was the diagnosis and she was given just three to four months to live.

Our friend Nancy took a fall at a baseball game and was taken to hospital with a concussion.

Our friends, Dave and Dori, received news that their 27-year-old son, Greg, had passed away.  He had health problems as a child and wasn't expected to make it into his teen years.  Nonetheless, it was a surprise.  His funeral was on last Tuesday.

One of my co-workers took a leave of absence from work to undergo cancer treatment while a second co-worker also faces the prospect of cancer treatment, although the course of action is still unknown.

Add to these major events, I came down sick and fought it for over two weeks, lost time at work due to training seminars (including the trauma training that made me re-evaluate my career path), and a workload unlike anything I have experienced in recent years.

There is a song by Mercy Me called Bring the Rain, and it captures how many people around me have felt this month.  If have the time, take a listen and reflect.

As I look back, June's daily record of blessings may have been the ideal time, and the ideal coping strategy, to get through a month that was plagues with problems.  The problems surrounded our family.  If I hadn't paid attention on a daily basis, I wonder if I could have maintained perspective.  I'll never know.

Here's a list of the blessings from June, despite the trials listed above:

1. Acceptance

2. Freedom to choose my ride (car, van, motorcycle)

3. Trees

4. Quiet time

5. Smiles

6. Safe and loving family

7. Encouragement

8. Not to have a drug addiction, to have a clinic that helps those who do.  That I contribute to the lives of children and families.  For a cup of tea in the quiet times.  That I am bigger than mosquitoes.

9. Monotony

10 and 11. Quality customer service, a son with patience.

12. Music

13. Not being a sports fan

14. Appreciate small events in an ordinary day

15. The love of others

16. Refreshing hope that 'good' is out there

17. My employer

18. Bug repellant 

19. Quiet, honest conversation with family

20. Teachers who are patient and compassionate

21. Health, and the medication that helps through challenges

22. To be a friend

23. Local public library

24. Memories of a positive childhood 

25. Relationships

26. To ride with a group who can enjoy the ride as a pack

27. Safety

28. Naps

29. Coffee, a humourous joke, a visit with a friend

30. Ordinary days

With that, I reflect and see very few earth shattering moments, but I don't think that's what it is all about.  Being able to find the small blessings in a typical day that helps us to manage during the difficult times when life surrounds us with a sense of hopelessness.

Thank you to those who joined me on the month long journey.  It was the most popular post on my blog over the past month.

Keep looking for the small blessings in your life.  Everyone has a story, without the blessings, no story is complete.

Anti-Bullying Task Force - UPDATE!

It's been just over a year since grade eight student Bryten Brown took his own life.  Bryten was a student at Lockes Public School and was subject to ongoing bullying.  When his death was announced in the media, I wrote Hypocrites, highlighting the bandwagon that many in the community were riding.  


In the days that followed, the Thames Valley District School Board Superintendent announced the creation of a task force made up of community members.  One Step Forward spoke to my hesitation on the creation of this task force.  It was originally touted as a community task force, but was soon shown to be made up of the heads of existing organizations.  I was not in support of this.  Maybe I am naive in this regards, but the people who are going to know about the effects of bullying are the moms and dads who have to face their hurt and pain that their child faces when he or she returns from school.  It's the children who are hurt and ridiculed for no other reason than to be hurt. They know what's happening out there.  They are on the front lines.  What was supposed to be a Grassroots movement, soon took on the look of bureaucracy. 


This is the list of Community Members on the Task Force:




Dr. Linda Baker - Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System
Dr. Karen Bax - Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System
James Daniels - Thames Valley District School Board, Student Trustee
Inspector Jeff Driedger - St. Thomas Police Service
Chief Brad Duncan - London Police Service
Dr. Barrie Evans - Thames Valley District School Board, Psychological Services
Jane Fitzgerald – Children’s Aid Society of London and Middlesex
Chief Rod Freeman - Woodstock Police Service
Ray Hughes – CAMH Centre for Prevention Science
Dr. Peter Jaffe - Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children, UWO
Janice Jeffrey - Thames Valley District School Board, Safe Schools
Cal Johnstone - /A\
Lynne Livingston - City of London
Chief Bill Lynch - St. Thomas Police Service
Corina Morrison - London Anti-Bullying Coalition
Beth Murray - Thames Valley District School Board, Student Trustee
Superintendent John Perry - London Police Service
Dr. Graham Pollett - Middlesex London Health Unit
Rod Potgieter - Family and Children’s Services of St. Thomas and Elgin
Marc Roberts - Oxford-Elgin Child and Youth Centre
Deputy Chief Brent Shea - London Police Service
Jason Smith - Fusion Youth Centre, Town of Ingersoll
Terri Snell - St. Thomas/Elgin Anti-Bullying Coalition
Barb Sonier - Thames Valley District School Board, Superintendent of Education
Director Bill Tucker - Thames Valley District School Board
Barry Wagner - Facilitator
Carolyn Walker - Thames Valley Parent Involvement Committee
Toni Wilson - Thames Valley District School Board, Safe Schools
Kate Young - Thames Valley District School Board, Public Affairs     




In the year that has passed, I would venture that little has changed for the better, with one notable exception.   The principal at Lockes, Dave Westaway, has made strides in his approach to the issue of bullying.  I give him credit for that.


The community has quieted down for now, waiting for the next event in media drama to unfold in the community so they can rise up and yell, for a few minutes anyways.  Very few people have maintained an active role.  I know of at least one person who was raring to go in the early days, only to be outed as a bully himself.  Bullies often rise to power...but that's another blog for another day.


Today, I received a copy of the task force's "Report to the Community".  It opens with these words, "Bullying behaviour and its negative impact on society continues to be of major importance to the Thames Valley District School Board.  On May 19, 2010, following the tragic death of a St. Thomas teen, the Director of Education for the Thames Valley District School Board established a community Task Force to help him in his quest to end bullying" (italics mine).


The Director of Education is Bill Tucker.  He is one of the past Principals at Lockes Public School.


While not a true community driven committee, I do give them credit for this statement, "Representing both current and new partners for the school board, all 29 invited members committed to work together on this special task force.  As a leader within their organization, each representative brought to the table the commitment of their organization to find ways to work together to bring an end to bullying in our community.  As a Task Force, it truly was many voices coming together to work towards one vision to eliminate bullying."  I hope so.


Short of providing the full report here, I will include the summaries of the responsibilities of each organization involved as per the report:


/A\ London will work with TVDSB to develop a public awareness campaign based on an Anti-Bullying Pledge.  (Note:  The Task Force was very supportive of the idea of a student pledge put forward by /A\ and suggested the entire community should be encouraged to take “The Pledge”).  (See Appendix page 8)


CAMH Centre for Prevention Science has developed a cyber-bullying presentation for Junior-Intermediate students with a follow-up workshop, and a cyber-bullying presentation for parents, designed to promote development of critical thinking skills concerning online safety, privacy and impersonation issues.  (See Appendix page 8) 


Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System’s anti-bullying initiatives in juvenile justice settings and therapeutic group homes will address peer aggression, adolescent suicide, assessments for youth, anti-bullying training for staff, ongoing consultation, and A School Based Anti-Violence Program (ASAP).  (See Appendix page 9)


Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children, UWO is planning a forum on media violence for parents and educators on Oct 20-21 which will deal with critical issues in the development and promotion of violent attitudes and behaviours. (See Appendix page 10) 


Family and Children’s Services of St. Thomas and Elgin, the Children’s Aid Society of Oxford County, and the Children’s Aid Society of London and Middlesex have collaborated to develop a position paper outlining their role/involvement in the prevention of and intervention with bullying.  This report is based on their mandate and legislative functions.  (See Appendix page 10) 


Fusion Youth Centre, Town of Ingersoll and thirty agencies have come together to address issues in schools, the community and organizations and are developing a policy.  (See Appendix page 11) 


London Anti-Bullying Coalition will continue to provide service to its community members, such as:  school board/schools, media, community groups, parents, police and students. (See Appendix page 11) 


London Police Service, in partnership with the Thames Valley District School Board, is dedicated to the promotion of safe schools through its collective efforts to eliminate bullying.  These include School Resource and Safety Officers, specific curriculum and a focused approach to bullying situations.  (See Appendix page 12)


Middlesex-London Health Unit has identified both whole school and classroom activities, including supports for individuals, to support schools with their work in promoting positive behaviour and addressing bullying.  (See Appendix page 13)


Oxford-Elgin Child and Youth Centre has worked with the community to develop a group to work with children and parents of victims of bullying.  A curriculum has been developed by the community partners and is being implemented in September 2011. (See Appendix page 15) 


St. Thomas/Elgin Anti-Bullying Coalition will be presenting an eight week session (starting in September 2011) called "Kids Bounce Back” for children 7 – 10 years old who have been bullied.  They have developed two pamphlets: “What Can You Do To HELP?” and “Is Your Child Bullying Others? “ (See Appendix page 15) 


St. Thomas Police Service’s Community Resource Officer and Adopt a School Officers continue to attend senior elementary and high schools on a daily basis, where among many others, programs and resolutions directed at anti-bullying are administered by the Community Resource Officer as well as the Community Services Officer. (See Appendix page 15) 


Thames Valley District School Board will be developing workshops on cyber-bullying and creating educational videos on bullying for students, parents and teachers as well as creating book kits on bullying for its elementary and secondary schools.  A focus for 2011 – 2012 will be on the mobilization of “upstanders”. (See Appendix page 16) 


Thames Valley Parent Involvement Committee (TVPIC) has organized a joint forum on media violence to create the links, supports, and understanding needed to build stronger, vibrant, inclusive communities for all members – and youth in particular. (See Appendix page 16) 


Woodstock Police Service has established programs in the community and is working to accredit the City of Woodstock as a “Safe Community.”  They are working towards establishing a second secondary school resource officer.  (See Appendix page 17) 


I have been skeptical of this Task Force since the beginning.  I feel that key people have been left out of the process, mainly concerned parents who are truly interested in sustaining change.  As the Task Force now dissolves into history, there is a new group developed from those origins that pledges to meet twice a year to ensue that the anti-bullying initiatives will be carried out as intended.  I will watch to see what unfolds.


There also remains an aspect yet untouched, at least to my knowledge, and that is the bullying in the classroom. Bullying in which the adult, the teacher, bullies and targets the children.  Children are excluded, centered out and mocked in the "safety" of the classroom.  This has been brought to me repeatedly, from various people within the community and via email.


I read today that Aylmer teen Arden McAnulty was advised that she was not welcome to attend the Grade 8 graduation at Davenport Public School, one of the schools within the Thames Valley Board.  Arden left the school in grade seven to attend a school in Peterborough in order for her to get specialized treatment for dyscalculia. 


Nick Lypaczewski from the St. Thomas Times-Journal wrote, "When McAnulty left for Peterborough, her biggest concern was that she would still be able to attend Davenport's graduation dance."  She was originally approved to attend the party by school officials.  Arden also had signed letter from the school board, but later learned the committee in charge of the dance had voted to turn her away.


According to Mike Sereda, Thames Valley District School Board supervisory officer's association chairman, the parent committee expressed their disapproval of McAnulty walking across the stage but, in the end, he says the school thought she should be recognized. (italics mine - notice it wasn't Mr. Sereda that supported the decision to allow her). 


Committee member Maureen Jenkins told QMI Agency, "She has not been a part of the Grade 8 class, and our position is that you had to be a member of the Grade 8 class to attend."   Arden was not able to access the needed programs at her own school.  She attended Davenport longer than many of the graduating students.  There was Arden, centered out, excluded, by the school board that aims to stop bullying.


Everyone has a story.  This one's not done yet.