One step forward...let's hope so.

Exciting developments today in the anti-bullying movement.  About a week and a half after 13 year old Bryten Brown of St. Thomas took his own life, the Thames Valley District School Board admitted that Bryten's suicide was, at least, in part the outcome of bullying and have launched "a special Task Force to bring together key members of the community to tackle the complex issue of bullying."

Peter Jaffe, who is a Professor of Education at the University of Western Ontario is "an expert in the field" and will be a part of this task force.  He is quoted as saying, “Bullying and children’s mental health issues are two sides of a coin.  We have to work together to understand the cause and consequences of bullying.” 

Community Task Force on Anti-Bullying is made up of the following people:

Tony Bendel – St Thomas Anti-bullying Coalition

Dr. Linda Baker - Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

Barrie Evans - Psychological Services Thames Valley District School Board

Chief Murray Faulkner – London Police Service

Jane Fitzgerald – Executive Director, Middlesex-London Children’s Aid Society

Trustee Peter Jaffe – Director of Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

Arlene Morell – Chair, Thames Valley Parent Involvement Committee

Corina Morrison – London Anti-bullying Coalition

Rod Potgieter – St. Thomas Family & Children’s Services

Graham Pollett – Middlesex London Medical Officer of Health

Now, let's get real.  Does Jaffe really think that people don't know the cause and consequences of bullying?  There is enough research out there, empirical and anecdotal, that could choke a horse.  All of this comes down to some very basic principles - make the choice to get along, make the choice to appreciate life, make the choice to help others.  When we fail to make these choices, choices are still being made.  Choose conflict, choice to reject the value of life, choose to turn a blind eye to others in need.  That would sum it up quite simply, I think.  

Here's another point that really took the steam out this announcement for me; look at the Task Force members.  They are all from existing organizations that, presumably, should have already had a handle on the problem.  Together are they really going to have any greater impact?  I hope so, but I have my doubts.  A true grassroots movement by concerned individuals, preferably parents who have a vested interest in the lives of their children and others in the community.  You just know that this task force is going to get bogged down in bureaucracy.

Everyone has a story.  It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.

Anti-Bully Protest?

Taking a stand against bullying and bullies. I’ve been thinking about this noble position and I began to consider that actual impact of protests, rallies, and how we define a bully. Here’s a dictionary definition of bully:


Bully – noun

1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
2. Archaic. a man hired to do violence.
3. Obsolete. a pimp; procurer.
4. Obsolete. good friend; good fellow.
5. Obsolete. sweetheart; darling.

Bully – verb (used with object)
6. to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.

I was shocked to learn the some of the now obsolete uses of the word “bully”; good friend, sweetheart. With certainty, the polar opposite of the common use today.

I then looked at the word protest as a noun, as in "Anti-Bullying Protest" specifically.

Protest – noun

1. an expression or declaration of objection, disapproval, or dissent, often in opposition to something a person is powerless to prevent or avoid: a protest against bullying

Anti

1. being against

Putting these definitions together, an anti-bullying protest would actually mean the disapproval (protest) of being against (anti) an overbearing person who intimidates smaller or weaker people (bully). An anti-bullying protest is a double negative. I don’t want to be a part of a group which, by their name, indicates they are supportive of bullies. Now I know that’s not the intention, but that is truly what an Anti-Bullying Protest is. So, let’s wordsmith this.

What is a rally? Again, dictionary definition states:

Rally – verb (used with object)
1. to bring into order again; gather and organize or inspire anew
2. to draw or call (persons) together for a common action or effort
3. to concentrate or revive, as one's strength, spirits, etc

Rally – verb (used without object)
4. to come together for common action or effort
5. to come together or into order again
6. to come to the assistance of a person, party, or cause
7. to find renewed strength or vigor

Rally – noun
8. a renewal or recovery of strength, activity, etc.
9. a drawing or coming together of persons, as for common action, as in a mass meeting.

So, let’s be solution focused. We all want to bring an end to bullying. A protest almost seems to be well intentioned bullying. Bringing together a group of like-minded individuals to demand change, to essentially force our will onto another person, group or organization. Sounds like organized bullying in a sense. Instead, let’s rally to support those in need. Imagine the change that would be brought on by the dame group of “protesters” instead showing up at the Thames Valley District School Board Office and rally. Tell the school board administration that we need change. We need to see children safe in our schools. We need teachers to be able to teach in schools. Now, we are here to help. What do you need?

Can you imagine how that would screw up the traditional system? Let’s not become school board bullies ourselves but rather be a part of the solution. Rally your support and help the school board make change in the system. Be part of the solution. Don’t be a bully and make demands for change if you are not prepared to step up and help.

Everyone has a story. How will yours be told? Are you a bully or a problem solver?

Oh ya? Did and Does.

It’s interesting.  How can a conversation with two people about the same event have such different perspectives?  I can’t get into details about this yet, but I can say this...please, parents, know what is happening in your child’s life.

All too often this is the common phrase uttered by well meaning parents, “My child?  My child wouldn’t do that.”  Oh ya?  Did and does.  Sorry, but that’s the truth.

When a mother comes to you in tears and tells you that her child is the target of your child’s daily ridicule and cyber-assaults, your denial really doesn’t help other than to push the problem further underground.  Even though you may not want to entertain the idea that your own child could engage in such hurtful actions, please understand that there exists the possibility that they have done something you don’t like, or know about.

The adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is a lie.  Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can scar forever.  I’m not talking about minor childlike behaviour, I am talking about ongoing, persistent, deliberate hurtful comments or actions that are intended to harm and hurt others.  It leaves a mark.  It can scar.

I received an email this week from a man who was severely bullied in school.  He said “I was called a fag and gay. I was made fun of the way I dressed and who my friends were. This was 20-30 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. The feelings and negativity never seem to go away.”  No one should endure this.

An email from a mother said “my daughter Aleah* was bullied in grade one, a boy put his hands around her neck trying to choke her.  The principal said to her “Why didn’t you scream?””  That’s not the point and the question didn’t really help the matter.

Yet another who said, after the school refused to step and intervene, “I too took charge of the situation and fixed the bullying issue myself. I had one teacher even bully one of my children. Telling him that he had to wear a dress to portray what the women in the pioneer times had to endure! Of course I talked to the teacher, principal and as well sent a hand written note to the education system explaining why my son did not have to wear a dress but we would endorse him wearing what the pioneer men wore! Unfortanely his picture showed up in the year book that year wearing a dress skipping down the track! He then had to explain to us how that happened. Well he said she said I would have to write up a 1000 word essay as to why my parents are not supportive of the school system. So he opted out and wore the dress as it was easier.”

Come on parents, teachers, community members, neighbours.  Let’s stop the bullying and step up to the plate to support youth and parents face this problem head on.  There was a man about 2000 years ago who offered a piece of advise, one that could be considered the national strategy on bullying.  He said, “Love your neighbours as yourself” 

Everyone has a story and your needs to be told.  You can change the outcome too, with the right supports.  Start caring for others.  In the words of my friend, “Lets start a love crusade!” (www.sarawestbrook.com)

Who's voice is being heard? YOURS!

It’s been an emotionally exhausting week.  I have been overwhelmed with responses from numerous individuals sharing their experiences with bullying.  It is disgusting to hear what people have endured from others.  

I have heard from parents who shared of their experience as a parent whose child is being bullied while the school does nothing.

I have heard from parents whose children have had broken bones because bullies had their way.

I have heard from adults who were bullied and remain afraid to face their bullies two, even three decades later.

I have heard from parents whose children have been humiliated and urinated on by bullies.

I have heard from family of suicide victims.

I have heard how police are failing to respond to physical assaults.  

I have heard about corruption with the school board and the fear from teachers to take a stand.

I have heard from individuals who have lost hope in the system.

This is what I found interesting:

I did not hear from any bullies - even though they could keep hiding behind anonymity.

I did not hear from parents of bullies - maybe too ashamed they are raising a bully.

All of this raises a very empowering fact - THE VOICES BEING HEARD ARE NOT THE BULLIES! Folks, YOU have a voice.  You are the ones speaking out!  You are the ones being heard! Together we will take a stand against this!  Lean on one another.  Find YOUR strength and together we WILL bring change.

Everyone has a story.  LET YOURS BE HEARD!

Hypocrites

Hypocrites.  That’s what I hear when I read about this horrible situation that occurred over the weekend in our city.  

I didn’t know him, but grade 8 student, Bryten Brown, took his own life because of the constant bullying from school mates.  Grade 8.  That’s just 13, maybe 14 years old.  Imagine how painful his life must have been to make the decision to hang himself.

Within hours, hypocrites show up en mass online.  As usual, Facebook becomes the place to turn to.  Everyone suddenly has a voice and speaks out against bullying.  Oh sure, that seems noble, but seriously?  A lot of good it does.  Bryten sure could have used those voices at school before this weekend.  There will be someone soon speaking up saying that this raises the issue of bullying to the forefront of people’s minds.  Not helpful.  Bullying is just a symptom of the lack of respect and appreciation for life in general.

Let me ask, where were these people when Bryten was being tormented?  Where were these teachers when all of this took place?  I’ll answer my own questions, since I’ve been down the bullying road.  Youth at the school were unaware it was taking place because of their difference in ages, they were afraid to get involved because they believe “It’s not my problem” or they were actively bullying Bryten.  The teachers were too occupied with their own interests - like how much prep time they get - or the telling the students “Don’t worry about it.  Just ignore it.”  That’s a quote from Principal Dave Westaway from Bryten’s school when my own son spoke to him two months ago regarding his own bullying experiences.  Thanks Dave, that was helpful. (By the way, I dealt with it)

Our culture is one that passes the buck and you can be absolutely sure that the school and the Thames Valley District School Board will spin it in a way that makes them shine.  They will speak of their “Zero Tolerance” policy.  Right *scoff*.  That’s a fallacy.  Ask any parent who’s child has been on the receiving end of bullying or fighting in the school yard.  It would be more suitably called the “If we feel like dealing with it” policy or the “If we don’t like your child” policy.  But surely our teachers wouldn’t play favorites would they?

Stop the hypocrisy.  Stop trying to look like a hero after the fact.  Step up before the fact and teach morality, cooperation and real respect in the classroom.  Or better yet, respect in the real world.

Everyone has a story.  Who will tell Bryten’s?